skepsi

Not he’ll, not shut…

My iPhone insists on auto-correcting profanity. Seeing as we’ve not spent a day apart in years, I think it should know me better than that.

You know what I love about Facebook? My cousins and their status updates. It’s not unlike a visit home — unrelated things being shouted about simultaneously, all in one (loud) place. Yep, all I need now is to eat until I’m sick and FB really is just one big ol’ Greek holiday.

Over before it started.

Hey there guy who desperately tried to not let me in your lane. I have an ‘04 Mazda. Well-loved, but well-dinged. You have some sort of fancy Lexus. And it’s in rather pristine condition. Did you really think I wasn’t going to win our little battle?

The comforts of fall

I wonder if the world might be a happier place if honeycrisp apples and pumpkin spice (lattes, ice cream, cheesecake, anything) were available year round.

Never before has a giant oil company been so grateful for the antics of an NBA player.

Strange how Facebook is equal parts annoying and interesting.

The Facebook generational divide: Those of us whose drunken college photos are scanned in no less than 10 years later, and those of us whose drunken college photos are uploaded from someone’s phone in seconds. Glad I’m in the first camp.

My makeup and assortment of creams-that-do-miraculous-things has quadrupled in the past two years. I didn’t previously realize that 30 would come with so many paints and potions.

Lessons learned by trying to sell a house, volume 2

You will be hyper-vigilant about organization. You’ll succumb to unnatural ideas about “a place for everything and everything in its place.” As a result, you will be unable to find anything when you need it.

Lessons learned by trying to sell a house, volume 1

You will clean everything incessantly, whether it needs it or not. If you pass through a room with an extra moment on your hands, you will shine up every object in sight. I don’t even know who I am anymore. (Can you use Murphy’s oil soap on a cat?)